No Tip, No Sacrifice: "Satanic Panic" a likably go-for-broke horror-comedy ready-made for pizza party


Satanic Panic (2019)
88 min.
Release Date: September 6, 2019 (Limited & VOD)

Satanists and pizza go rather well together in “Satanic Panic,” an entertaining, go-for-broke horror-comedy with Fangoria-produced gore and a side of commentary on social class. Directed by Chelsea Stardust, making her feature debut, and penned by Grady Hendrix and Ted Geoghegan (2015’s “We Are Still Here”), the film has a broad, energetic comedic style but also strikes enough of a goofy, creepily off-center tone to be outrageous. For what it lacks in budget, “Satanic Panic” makes up for it with a hell of a lot of enthusiasm in front of and behind the camera. 

22-year-old aspiring musician Sam Craft (Hayley Griffith) is a new hire at a pizza joint, relying on tips but having a rough first day and getting stiffed. For her last stop of the night, she has to deliver outside the parlor’s delivery zone: the rich, white neighborhood of Mill Basin. The man who answers the door of the mansion stiffs Sam on a tip, and when her vespa runs out of gas, she decides to let herself in to what at first seems to be a motivational party, hosted by Danica Ross (Rebecca Romijn). As it turns out, everyone in the room is a red-robed member of a satanic coven planning on sacrificing a virgin before sunrise to summon demon Baphomet and Sam happens to be a perfect specimen. 

Feature film newcomer Hayley Griffith makes for a likable Sam, sweet but tough when she needs to be and grounding the over-the-top circumstances around her. What the viewer later learns about her love for Australia and the origin of her “two fuzzy bunnies” calming words is unexpectedly affecting. Ruby Modine (2019’s “Happy Death Day 2U”) has a snappy comic presence as Danica’s devirginized daughter Judi, who becomes Sam’s one true savior and friend through her hellish night. Griffith and Modine’s moments together are a delight, and they share the film’s weirdest and tensest sequence in which Sam frantically scribbles symbols all over Judi’s body in order to break the coven’s voodoo ritual to kill her.

A gamely perverse Rebecca Romijn is having a campy blast as the elegantly evil Danica Ross, and former “MADtv” cast member Arden Myrin is another loopy standout as Gypsy, Danica’s devious second-in-command vying to become leader. The rest of the ensemble is all in on the daffy spirit, including Jordan Ladd and Jeff Daniel Phillips (2016’s “31”). Also, an unrecognizably mustached AJ Bowen and Jerry O’Connell (Romijn’s real-life husband) each get laughs, respectively, as Sam’s sleazy co-worker Duncan, who got her the job, and Danica’s even sleazier husband Samuel Ross.

2018’s “Slice” attempted to do something similar with a party-movie vibe, finding pizza delivery drivers at the hands of supernatural forces, albeit with sloppy results. Director Chelsea Stardust’s film has more focus, more of a low-budget charm, and even more on its nutty mind than most larks, commenting on how wealthy Satan worshippers think they’ve earned the right to use working-class Sam to complete their ritual, while still being a lot of tongue-in-cheek fun. There’s an ample amount of practical gore out of a schlocky B-movie, from someone being impaled by a drill strap-on dildo toy, to Danica going elbow-deep into someone’s neck to grab their heart, to an organ soufflé being prepared like a Thanksgiving turkey. Wickedly amusing as it is gleefully gory, “Satanic Panic” is ready-made for a slumber party with pizza and beer.

Grade: B -

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