"You Hurt My Feelings" a funny, smart, painfully true slice-of-life

You Hurt My Feelings (2023)


“You Hurt My Feelings” is another winner from writer-director Nicole Holofcener and indie production company A24. With any of her films, Holofcener always seems to assemble the right actors who couldn’t feel more in sync with her sharp, insightful writing and her understated directorial style. As the seventh film written and directed by Holofcener, this is a slyly funny, smart, painfully true slice-of-life with terrific, nuanced performances across the board, beginning with national treasure Julia Louis-Dreyfus. It might even open up an animated conversation between partners.


Having worked with Holofcener (and the late, great James Gandolfini) on 2013’s “Enough Said,” Julia Louis-Dreyfus could now be considered another one of the filmmaker’s muses like Catherine Keener. Louis-Dreyfus plays Beth, a New York novelist and writing professor who can no longer rest on the laurels of her successful memoir. After talking with her agent, Beth fears that she’s an “old voice” in the writer’s world. (Even her students at The New School have never heard of her book before signing up for her class.) With her latest—a work of fiction this time—she has reworked her first draft numerous times before it goes on to being published. Her therapist husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), is very supportive, but perhaps too supportive when some constructive criticism could be appreciated. 


"You Hurt My Feelings" isn’t a plot-driven film, but the tension that drives the course of the story comes from a scene of eavesdropping. Beth and her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins), an interior designer for unsatisfied rich folk, are shopping and plan on joining up with Don and Sarah’s actor husband Mark (Arian Moayed). When the sisters spot their husbands in deep conversation at Paragon Sports, Beth is the first to overhear that Don isn’t too fond of his wife’s latest book. Beth doesn’t confront Don right away, but she’s extremely hurt. Don, himself, is dealing with his own stuff, like aging and whether or not he’s any good as a therapist (or even a good listener). Even Beth and Don’s 23-year-old son, Eliot (Owen Teague), is dealing with life, having his heart broken, working at a weed store, and writing a play but still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. No matter what happens, everyone will be humbled.


This is a film that’s deftly acted by all, making sure every character feels human even with their bristly flaws. Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies are both excellent, individually and together as a couple who’s so comfortable they share ice cream and still give each other the same gifts every wedding anniversary (the final scene with this tradition is a sweet button to the film). Watkins is a performer who can also navigate comedy and drama with great skill, making an interesting foil as Sarah for Louis-Dreyfus’ Beth; it doesn’t hurt that they are perfectly cast as sisters, and Jeannie Berlin is very funny yet warm in her own way as their passive-aggressive mother Georgia. Turning up in recurring therapy sessions as Don’s clients, real-life couple David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are hilariously cutting as a bickering married couple who refuses to get divorced.


With “You Hurt My Feelings,” Holofcener observes the trust, encouragement, and biases in relationships, as well as the little white lies we tell our partners that feel like a momentous act of betrayal. As always, she approaches this kind of material with honesty and humor that prove to be relatable. A seriocomic crucible full of recognizable human truths, “You Hurt My Feelings” is as uncomfortably prickly and naturally funny as it is empathetic and compassionate. The only issue about this dramedy for grown-ups is that Holofcener needs to be able to make more than seven feature films in three decades. That kind of hurts my feelings. 


Grade: A -


A24 is releasing “You Hurt My Feelings” (93 min.) in select theaters on March 26, 2023. 

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