"Venom: The Last Dance" sucks

Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

Leave "Madame Web" alone. While that non-starter in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe was as silly as a mom researching spiders in the Amazon right before she died, Dakota Johnson’s deadpan, almost indifferent performance made it tolerable. "Venom: The Last Dance," though, is the one more deserving of a pile-on, as it bills itself to be the conclusion to an enjoyably wonky but aggressively mediocre trilogy but can’t even do that right. Why should it tell a complete story when the future of the franchise is more important? Screenwriter Kelly Marcel (who wrote the first two "Venom" movies) makes her directorial debut with "Venom: The Last Dance," a turd in the wind — or, to be slightly nicer, stupid, unfocused and cacophonous nonsense. And while this is intended to be “the last dance,” promises are always broken when money talks. 

Tom Hardy is mostly phoning it in at this point as Eddie Brock, the San Francisco reporter on the run. But he’s still having an unhinged blast as Venom, Eddie’s white-eyed, grin-toothed parasite. When we last found the happy couple, they were in Mexico, living the fugitive life and slamming down mai tais at a bar (just like in the post-credit scene at the end of "Spider-Man: No Way Home"). Just as Eddie/Venom gets sent back to his original universe (Sony, not Marvel), a piece of the symbiote has been left behind for General Rex Strickland (a game but overqualified Chiwetel Ejiofor). In the hunt for Eddie/Venom is also Strickland’s associate, Dr. Payne (Juno Temple), who’s already containing a bunch of symbiotes to study in the soon-to-be-decommissioned Area 51. There is also a much bigger villain in the hive of symbiotes; you just don’t see much of him, except in the visually cruddy bookending scenes. Basically, Eddie/Venom makes their way to New York, while a bunch of barely-written characters who are neither entirely bad nor good are on their tail (or tentacles).

"Venom: The Last Dance" is a road trip movie that never reaches its destination, only Nevada. Spoiler: Venom does not get to see Lady Liberty. There is an oddly delightful narrative detour involving a family of hippies, led by Rhys Ifans and Alanna Ubach, who give Eddie a ride in their van on their way to Area 51 and even encourage him to sing along to Space Oddity. Let’s watch *this* movie instead. Or, we could be watching the one with Juno Temple (who is admittedly cool to see in a Marvel-associated movie) as a scientist with a tragic Dead Brother backstory and an arm paralysis from a lightning storm. Every which way you look, there’s the glimmer of a more interesting movie than the three that can thrown into a blender here. Read the full review at GuyAtTheMovies.com

Grade: D +

Sony released "Venom: The Last Dance" (110 min.) in theaters on October 25, 2024.